Here’s who didn’t make the cut to speak at the Republican National Convention

At long last, America’s Republican Party has announced the list of speakers that will appear at its convention in Cleveland, Ohio, this week. With support for Donald Trump thin among mainstream Republicans, the presumptive nominee had to get creative to fill the list. The final lineup includes soap opera stars, reality TV participants, and B-list athletes.

With such an unconventional roster, you may be wondering, “who didn’t make the cut?” We obtained a top-secret document from the Trump campaign that answers that very question—it shows all of the Trump camp’s suggested speakers who were not included in the final list. Here are the RNC rejects.

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POSSIBLE SPEAKERS FOR 2016 REPUBLICAN NATIONAL CONVENTION

1. Richard Nixon’s head
2. A bottle of Trump Ice
3. The Apprentice
4. Grand Rapids, MI electrician Ronald Reagan
5. Jeb Bush’s exclamation point
6. Bernie Madoff
7. Barry Goldwater (son of Barry Goldwater)
8. Spokane, WA personal trainer George Washington
9. Michael Sorrentino aka The Situation
10. Scrooge McDuck
11. The Duke brothers (from Trading Places)
12. The Duke boys (from Dukes of Hazzard)
13. Chris Christie*
14. Darth Vader
15. Howard Roark
16. Barron Trump
17. Corey Lewandowski
18. Jon Voight
19. Aaron Carter
20. John McCain
21. John McCain’s Vietnamese captors
22. LeBron James’ cousin LaMichael James
23. The entire cast of Duck Dynasty†
24. Mike Tyson
25. The police robot that bombed a sniper
26. Roger Ailes
27. A grizzly bear
28. Joe the Drummer
29. Tana Goertz
30. A lock of Megyn Kelly’s hair
31. Somebody Rodriguez or Gomez or was it Martinez
32. Ann Coulter
33. Don King
34. One of Tiffany Trump’s Instagram followers
35. Mitt Romney

*Since we obtained this list, the Trump campaign appears to have reconsidered, and added Christie back.

†We added this (and every entry) as parody, but upon consulting the actual RNC lineup, discovered that Willie Robertson of Duck Dynasty is in fact on the speaking list.